Are You a Victim or a Victor?

Life happens.

Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we planned. Disappointments happen. Many times you do absolutely everything right and what you hoped for still doesn’t work out. Sometimes you may feel like you got a raw deal. You may feel that you were royally screwed and you are at your tipping point.

Are you a victim or a victor?

Many times the things we get upset about shouldn’t be allowed to rob us of our joy. I’m not referring about crimes committed against us; if someone attacks (or worse) you or a loved one I would think righteous indignation may be appropriate for that situation. Rather I’m referring to disappointments and frustrations that are a part of everyday life.

Your reaction to disappointment determines your happiness.

It’s certainly acceptable and expected to feel disappointed and frustrated at times. Just don’t let it go on too long and don’t let it fester into a full blown fit of anger. Anger is toxic. Emotions are unbidden, meaning they happen to us. We don’t choose them. But what we can choose is our reactions to them.

Keep it in perspective.

Sometimes it helps to say aloud whatever is bugging you. You may be surprised how non-important, in the grand scheme of things, the issue you just thought was turning your world upside down suddenly becomes not that big of a deal.

Try it. Here’s an example. Let’s say you worked hard and planned diligently to attend a particular destination. Doesn’t matter if it is a family vacation, or an internship/job you wanted or if you were trying to earn an incentive trip. The specifics don’t matter. The key points are: you wanted it; you busted your tail to get there; and for reasons beyond your own control it didn’t happen.

Is your first reaction anger or disappointment? If you’re disappointed, that is understandable. But anger? Why? And what purpose does that serve? Can you change the results? Nope. You already tried and it is what it is. Do you need someone to blame? Why? Will that change anything?

Blessing in disguise.

I know when you are in a fit of anger the last thing you want is someone giving you some stupid cliché about it’s a blessing in disguise and it wasn’t meant to be. But wait. Why not? Why don’t you want to consider that? Do you really LIKE to be angry? Do you really want to be pissed? Do you really want to quit? Ick. Those are ugly emotions. Why would you choose those?

Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, perhaps you can allow for the possibility that there is a reason you were not supposed to go to that particular destination. I certainly don’t know what the reason could be; and you may never know either. But can’t that bring you a little closure to the unanticipated turn of events?

Spin it.

What would happen if you said, “Oh, I am so disappointed. I am SO bummed. It sucks. I really had my heart set on going ____.  It didn’t work out.  And since I can’t change the results, now I am free to look forward to whatever the future hold for me.”  Would that be so bad if you looked at it that way?  Or would you just rather stay mad and wallow in your victim status a while longer?

Eyes forward.

I suspect most of you have driven a car before. You periodically check the rear view mirror to see what is behind you. You may do it so subconsciously you don’t even realize in a blink of an eye or less you’ve managed to be aware of what is behind you. But 99.999% of the time your eyes are where? In front of you. You’re watching the road; you’re watching the signs; you’re watching other cars; you scan from left to front to right and repeat.

What would happen if instead of periodically taking a quick scan of the rear view mirror your drove your car while staying focused on what is behind you? That’s pretty easy to predict. It won’t take any time at all before you hit something in front of you. You will have missed what was in front of you and crash into it, causing damage, sometimes permanent, irreversible damage.

If you’re too busy looking behind you, you’ll miss what is in front of you.

Give yourself a moment to feel the disappointment of life not always going as intended. Then brush yourself off, and continue to look and move forward.

Are you a victor or a victim?